Part III - Dinner

Posted on Wed Nov 20th, 2024 @ 2:13pm by Lieutenant JG Zai & Lieutenant Adrianna Baciami

1,125 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: Adrianna's Quarters | USS Arcadia

ON:

Adrianna slid down the wall and sat on the floor, she softly replied, "fine."

Sabastian entered. Seeing her he sat down beside her. "That was a lot huh?" He sighed. "Gods I don't envy you. It is a lot to take in but I can understand you and why your mind and emotions are in Chaos. I can understand better then you think. I think that we are similar, you and I. We tend to bottle trying to solve our own problems. Part of it is not knowing who to trust and the other part is maybe an unconscious need to prove we're strong enough. But in the end it does all boil over, doesn't it?"

"There's only so much intel training can do," she sighed, "I was never good at sharing emotions. Even as a child. Now I do not have a need for intel training, and apparently it is a problem to share emotions. I just want to love like a normal person, and try and find a book or a guide on how to navigate all of this." Adrianna sighed and in an unprecedented move, she rested her head on Sabastian's shoulder, throwing away her tough exterior.

"Yeah if you find that book I'm soooo calling dibs after you are done with it cause navigating all this not only sucks but seems like a lost cause." He leaned his cheek on her head. "Listen , love is... complicated, even for us empaths. Life is complicated for everyone. Here is the really important part. You are a normal person and your experiences are no less valid then anyone else's. Okay? Sharing emotions and feeling in general is hard as hell and scary too! But think about feelings as an exercise in logic. If you are okay with it let's go through some stuff you said out there, just you and me, no judgment. Deal?"

Adrianna hadn't really connected with Sabastian -- not on this level. She tolerated him and then kept an open mind. Once she started to get to know him and saw how happy Zai was. She didn't have an issue with him per se, she just didn't know him. That said, in her current predicament, she needed to take a leap of faith. "Sorry for calling you a number of names when I first met you. You don't seem like a bad guy. You just did not make a good first impression. Sorry about your nose too-- kind of," she paused and took a breath, knowing that she couldn't get out of this, "deal."

"Good, and for the record DO NOT apologize for the nose. It was my most hated feature and you breaking it gave me the courage to ask for a nose job, vain? Yes but hell I like it better this way I was able to straighten some conditions and fix a few other problems that I was too damned afraid of. So I can't believe I'm saying this but thank you for breaking my nose. Sometimes a forced change is needed."

Adrianna snorted and couldn't help but smile, "oh, cucciolo, you are welcome. Let me know if you want me to break anything else."

"God can you break a belly?" He tapped his stomach. "I could use a bit of a weight drop and any surgical intervention scares me...I'm too lazy to work out for the moment."

She chuckled, "I am too much like my mother to help there. I am a feeder. It's how I show that I love people-- the longer you stick around, the fatter you get."

He grinned. "Now then the serious stuff." He sighed. "Okay you said that you were holding out hope that Vance was okay. I get that part. I mean come on since the Academy I've held out hope for Zai. It's not easy to live in that 'I don't have this person but I hope I will' state. With Vance it was more difficult. You thought him dead and you held out moving on and then when you finally did he's alive again. I don't think I need to tell you that logically the emotional impact of that revelation along with all the second guessing that comes with it is horrible! First off hats off for getting through it as well as you have I honestly, would not have been able to handle something like that. So for the love of the Gods give yourself a break love. You said it yourself that you were reminded of Vance and saw those features in Jason. That tells me that you were not ready to move on and the pressure to do so by family by expectations was horrible I get that. So your reaction to that is nothing you need to apologize for don't you agree?"

"Not completely true--" she paused, "I was ready to move on, it is why I agreed to being set up. It was only a few dates in, and then when Zai told me about Vance being alive, albeit without his memories, that I realised how similar the pair were. But I take your point."

"Yes but him coming back triggered the guilt of moving on, didn't it? Either way it's an unfounded guilt. I'm not sure if you will believe me but you have the right to be happy. Let me ask you. If one of your brothers was in your situation...and he came to you and said he felt horrible for moving on guilty for moving on when he thought an ending was final would you agree with them or smack them for being so nasty to themselves, for not believing they deserve happiness and for punishing themselves?"

She sighed. He was right. "I don't have many female friends. Certainly none on the ship and the men I know wouldn't dare hit me," she murmured, "I hear what you are saying though. I do. It is just difficult to comprehend. That and I think Jason got into my head. I hate to say it, but he was right about one thing: whilst it was never the intention, loving Vance was real. How we met, who I was-- it was a lie. I never once lied to Jason. I built my career on lying to Vance. So, when it came down to it-- the idea that I was cheating on him. Madonna, it sounds like a leap, but in my head it is not. But, I will take your point. Next?"

Sabastian could sense that she was understanding. part of her was fighting it but he could sense she was headed in the right direction and things were sinking in. "Next," he said.


To Be Continued...

 

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