Part II - You May Be Asexual, Darling

Posted on Wed Oct 30th, 2024 @ 2:34pm by Lieutenant JG Zai

1,175 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: Starbase 2 | Sabastian Walker's Quarters

ON:

Sabastian laughed. "I Seriously doubt that. Just take a moment and collect your thoughts. I will be ready to listen when you are ready to talk and nothing, I mean nothing, you say will change my mind about you Zai."

He smiled his lavender eyes shining. He reached out and took Sabastian's hand. "Okay. Here goes..."

"This...is a bit scary for me."

"What is darling?" He tightened his grip on Zai's hand.

Zai sighed. "This, the idea of starting a relationship...and I have made up my mind I wish to try it with you. I think that with Fang...it was easier because I knew he would never want a real relationship with me...perhaps that's why I never told him who I was. I mean all we had was a surface thing. We cuddled we held hands, we were in a relationship without being in one...Gods I'm not making sense am I?"

Sabastian smiled. "No, it makes sense. You two ... didn't go beyond the um... timid aspects of the relationship?" He asked it for Zai as much as himself.

Zai stared at him until in clicked. He turned away taking a sofa pillow putting it over he face and mumbling into it.

Sabastian laughed. "What did you just say?"

Zai let out a frustrated groan and removed the pillow sporting a rather cherry red face. "No. We did not kiss or do that ..." He looked around as if they were in a crowd and whispered. "Other stuff."

Sabastian grinned from ear to ear. "What other stuff?" Not that he didn't know but he was rather enjoying Zai's blush and nervousness.

"You know, the stuff." He waved his hands as if sprinkling magic dust in the air.

Sabastian laughed. "No darling, what stuff?" Oh but the blush was cute.

"Oh for the love of...the um..." He whispered again, "The intimate stuff."

"Ah." He grinned even more. "I get it. So you're a Vir.."

Zai put his hands over Sabastian's mouth. "Yes, thank you. You don't have to announce it." His voice pitched a bit high on the end of that sentence and Zai snickered behind Zai's hands.

Sabastian covered Zai's hands with his own and slid them away from his mouth. "To whom, darling? We're the only ones here." He laughed at Zai's facial expression. "All right, all right. Well we don't have to worry about that until your ready."

There was a long pause. "What if I'm never ready. To be honest I've never craved that side of things. I love...romance, and all aspects and I really enjoyed kissing you last evening but what if I'm not into the other ... um... stuff."

Sabastian shook his head. Zai was really cute when he was unable to say certain words. He sighed and looked at Zai lovingly. He'd long suspected something about Zai since the Academy days when they'd had a similar conversation to this. "Alright then. Let me ask you something. Are you attracted to Fang or myself Se..."

"No!! I mean I ... well no. I am attracted to both of you emotionally, although with Lee Fang I'm not sure anymore but with you it's more romantically and I find your attractive as a person..."

Sabastian held up a hand. "Darling I've long suspected something about you." He stood up and walked to the book shelf. He came back and handed Zai a book.

"What's this?"

"A book. You may be asexual, darling. I have long thought so and frankly researching it has led me to believe that I myself fall under the Demi section of asexuality. Perhaps you are as well, ace I mean not Demi. I think you have a bit of exploring to do with respect to where you fit on the spectrum."

Zai looked at him. "I..."

"Read this, while you are sailing the stars. The physical side of our relationship need not be rushed. It will be welcome if and when you are ready but Zai I fell in love with you, not what you can provide for me physically. I loved your heart, your soul, your very being. May I confess something to you?"

Zai gave a nod.

"You were the first man I fancied. To be honest I was dating this girl my first year in the Academy, beautiful, but I couldn't form an emotional connection to her. With you...That day at the riding club when you sat on that horse and started chattering to it as if it would talk back and then it threw you off and you just got up and said to the horse. Thank you! That was an incredible ride. I think I flew five feet! Darling, I thought I would die it was interesting and cute and so... well beyond description. You cracked your wrist in that fall and I remember helping you to medical and you just chatted away about how interesting the Academy was and all the activities."

"I was so stupid! I thought that horse riding was getting thrown off the beast."

He laughed. "Yes, I remember but you know what it hit me that day that love, knows no gender. I saw Zai, the person with lavender eyes, raven hair, a smile that lights up a room. I saw a kind and gentle soul brimming with curiosity. The more I got to know you the more you fascinated me and the more I loved who you are as a person and as a soul on the journey of life. I'd be telling a lie if I said that I haven't dreamed about you and being intimate with you but for me that meant going out on picnics, reading together, exploring the station, planets, traveling and seeing the galaxy. Yes I'd dreamt of kissing you and holding your hand and holding you but to me the key is being with you, laying next to you and waking up to your smile. If that's all we ever do then that's all we ever do. I want to build a life with you where we are both comfortable and not pressured to love any other way but on our terms."

Zai studied him. "Sabastian I..."

He leaned forward taking Zai's hands. "Darling I love you, I have been in love with you for years. In fact since meeting you I have never been with anyone or pictured myself being with anyone other then you in any way. I want you in my life and I want to be in your life but what that means is something we will define ourselves not based on society, culture, or other people's expectations."

Zai looked down at their joined hands. "I..." He tapped his throat.

Sabastian could feel it. He was fighting emotions that were difficult to express. He pulled Zai into his arms. "It's alright. I understand. Just be, Zai. Just be in the moment, here with me and I will be here with you and we'll figure everything else as it comes."

OFF

 

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