Part II - Painful Past

Posted on Fri Oct 25th, 2024 @ 5:41pm by Lieutenant JG Zai & Lieutenant Lanna Alexander

964 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: Counseling Office | USS Arcadia
Timeline: After return of away team

ON:

Zai's face turned red. "Is that so bloody wrong? I don't want to remember Capella." His anger surged. "I don't want to remember waking up after a battle and finding I'm the only one left. I don't want to remember the first tribe and .." He voice cracked. He stood up began to pace. "Why is this so important! You know me from the Academy that should be enough!"

Fang stood up up too. He was clearly in pain, guilty at what Zai had said. He hadn't been a part of it but his Tribe...he knew what they were like and image of Zai, scared, he would have been young then, waking up alone and surrounded by lost souls. His eyes filled with tears. "Zai. I..."

"That!" He pointed. "That guilt and that oh I'm sorry! Does that help? Does that bring people back?" Zai was now yelling.

Lanna was being hit from both sides with the emotion coming off both Zai and Fang. She ramped up her mental defenses in an attempt not to be overwhelmed. “Zai, you need to calm down. I’m sorry about your people, I truly am, but yelling isn’t going to help..”

"Then what will!" His eyes now filled with tears. "What will help? Remembering?!"

Fang approached Zai. "Zai..."

Zai swiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Don't!"

"I can't imagine what it was like...you must have been very young when that happened."

Zai shook his head. "I don't...I don't want to remember."

Fang Swallowed past a lump in his throat. He reached out. Zai stepped back. Fang again stepped forward putting his hands on Zai's shoulder. "Zai..."

"No! I don't want to talk about it." He tired to push Fang away but Fang pulled him in wrapping his arms around Zai.

Zai turned his face into Fang's neck taking in the calming scent of the cologne Fang had on. For the first time he cried as images he'd avoided came to his mind. Fang allowed them to sink to the floor his own anger at his people reaching a boiling point. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry Zai."

Lanna nodded to Fang letting him know he was doing okay in his attempt to comfort Zai, the anger she’d felt from Zai was subsiding giving away to sadness, whilst Fang was now radiating anger instead. “We’re here for you Zai, we’ll help you through this I promise.”

Zai seemed to burrow into Fangs arms. Letting the calming scent of Citrus and Bergamot pull him out of his thoughts. He hadn't cried in years like this and Fang holding him was both a comfort but also a reminder of what was lost and all that happened after. He pushed away. "That was the day our Prince died."

The words cut Fang like a knife but he knew that wasn't true. "You mean Xingtian?"

Zai nodded wanting to hurt Fang as he'd been hurt.

"But he's not dead. Xingtian is alive. My father told me so. He survived. That means two people survived that day."

"In a sense it was true. Xingtian had died, or a part of him. Suddenly fear filled Zai."

"What do you mean? I know Xingtian didn't..."

Fang shook his head. "No. He survived. He was wounded but made it through then disappeared." Zai shot away from Fang. "No! Chen Lee has it wrong. This session is over."

Fang stood up making to follow Zai. He grabbed his arm spinning him around. Fang's eyes widened as he saw the tears. "Zai.."

Zai tore from his grasp and hurried out. He needed to get to Starbase 2 and the person that awaited him there.

“Zai, where are you...?” Lanna sighed, whatever had just happened Zai had clamped his mind shut and blocked her from sensing his emotions. “I don’t know what just happened Fang, but Zai shut me out. Who is Chen Lee?”

"My adopted father. He's the one who found out Xingtian is alive. But....Zai has always seemed to admire the prince...I don't get it."

Fang stayed and spoke with the counselor for a while longer before leaving. His mind was racing. He headed to Zai's quarters first, finding them empty, then to engineering.

Finally frustrated he engaged the computer for help but finding none. He sighed. "Damn it!" Zai had left the ship and so Fang followed only to run up against a wall. Zai had not checked into guest quarters and there seemed to be no trace of him. He couldn't leave things like they were now. Suddenly feeling defeated and scared he headed to his quarters. He needed to meditate, he needed to quiet everything inside him that was screaming.

He'd pushed too much, wanted too much. Zai had always been this way, he would open up when he was ready. As Fang breezed into his quarters a clatter drew his attention. A wood box with a silver necklace with a peculiar shape had fallen to the ground. The necklace seemed to scream at him.

He gasped. Recalling Shariel's words on Vulcan all those years ago.

My personal symbol. It represents acceptance of life and its darker aspects. It is the circle of life and death and a reminder that you must persevere no matter how rough the waters. It is a symbol of change and transformation and a call to find the strength to overcome obstacles. It will call to you when dark transformative times approach.

"Well shit!" He scooped it up feeling the ice cold seeping through his hand. Quickly he put it on and headed to the small shrine. He would need to meditate. Suddenly he was filled with fear about what was to come.

OFF:

 

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