The Hesitation of Retirement

Posted on Wed Oct 16th, 2024 @ 8:52am by Lieutenant Commander Jason Frankley & Lieutenant Adrianna Baciami

1,086 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well

Jason Frankley leaned back in his chair, glancing at the chrono on the wall of the crew lounge, the low hum of the starship Sovereign a constant backdrop to their quiet evening. He and Adrianna had found a rare pocket of time—no duties, no interruptions and a poor engineer threatened with an airlock. Just the two of them, the stars streaming by through the viewport behind them.

He grinned, feeling comfortable in the glow of the moment. "You know," he said, tipping his chair back on two legs, arms crossed behind his head, "maybe when we hit forty, we can just retire somewhere quiet. You, me, a beach… maybe even a house with a view of the ocean."

Adrianna looked up from her glass of wine, eyebrows raised. "Forty?" she teased, her lips curling into that playful smirk he’d come to love. "That’s a bit ambitious for a Starfleet career, marinaio."

Jason shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Yeah, but you know—captains do it all the time. We’ll just save our credits, put in our years, and then—boom. Quiet life on some peaceful colony world. How about it?" He gave her a wink, his voice light, teasing.

Adrianna let out a soft laugh, shaking her head, clearly amused. "So now you’re planning our whole future, eh? You’ve got it all figured out. More than our mothers?" She took a sip of her wine, watching him over the rim of her glass, her tone playful but with a warmth beneath it.

Jason leaned forward, setting his chair back on all fours and resting his elbows on the table, his grin widening. "Why not? I mean, I’m not saying we have to settle down tomorrow. But a few years from now? You, me, somewhere warm, far away from warp cores and phaser drills… Could be nice."

“I could retire tomorrow because of my family's money, but that doesn't mean we should,” she retorted. Money had not been discussed between the pair, but it was amusing to consider that working was merely a hobby.

Adrianna chuckled again, but this time the sound was softer, almost distant. She looked away, out at the stars, and for a moment, Jason thought he saw something flicker in her expression— something that wasn’t amusing.

"But, si," she said, her voice quieter, her fingers playing with the stem of her glass. "Sounds… nice– peaceful."

Jason noticed the change immediately. He leaned closer, his playful smile fading into a look of concern. "Hey," he said softly, his hand reaching across the table to brush hers. "I was just joking around. You okay?"

Adrianna blinked, her lips tightening into a brief smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. "I’m fine, marinaio," she said, though her voice was a little too even, a little too controlled.

Jason’s brow furrowed. He wasn’t sure what he’d said, but he knew that look. Adrianna, the woman who could tease him into knots, who always had a witty remark or playful jab, had suddenly gone quiet.

He held her gaze for a moment, waiting, but Adrianna just smiled, as if brushing off whatever was stirring behind her eyes. "Just tired," she added, her voice lighter again, but not quite the same.

Jason nodded, deciding not to push for now. But as they sat in silence for a beat, he could feel something unspoken hanging in the air between them.

What he didn’t know was that his words had triggered a memory Adrianna had buried deep. A memory of another man who had once said something similar, years ago, with that same easy charm. A man who had promised a future they would never have. Her last love had made that same lighthearted joke about their future together—laughing about where they’d be by forty, making plans that never had a chance to come true. Though it had been no joke. It was a serious proposal that had just been in reach for the couple. A proposal that had threatened to end her career.

It had taken her some time to move on from that loss, some time to even think about letting someone in again and allow her mother to assert her meddling ways. Her mother was the only one that knew the full story. She'd omitted some of the facts from the starfleet reports and even lied to cover a few things up.

Now, as she looked at Jason—so full of life, so certain of their connection—she felt a familiar pang. The warmth of his words had been replaced by the cold shadow of her past, reminding her of how fragile it all was, in a bittersweet sort of way. Could she really let herself hope for something like that again? Could she do this without a risk involved? Could it ever not feel like cheating?

She pushed the thoughts aside, forcing herself to focus on the man in front of her. Jason was different, she told herself. This was different.

Still, the weight of the memory lingered.

Jason tilted his head, studying her. "Adrianna, if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

Adrianna met his gaze, and for a moment, she considered telling him everything. About her past, about the promises that had been broken, not by choice but by circumstance. But instead, she gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand lightly. "I know, Jason," she said softly. "I’m just… this is not the time nor place."

He nodded, accepting her answer without pressing further. "Whenever you’re ready."

Adrianna’s smile became a bit more genuine at that. "Thanks, marinaio." She stood up, her fingers still entwined with his for a moment before letting go. "But if we’re going to make it to forty, we’d better get some rest, hm? Walk me home."

Jason chuckled, standing up and stepping beside her, slipping his arm around her waist. "Guess I’d better not push my luck, then."

As they walked out of the lounge together, Adrianna leaned into him, allowing herself to enjoy the warmth of his presence, the comfort of the moment. She didn’t know what the future held, but for now, being with Jason was enough.

But as they disappeared down the corridor, the shadow of her past lingered, quietly reminding her of the promises that had once been made– the promises that, even now, could end her career...

 

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