Not what I expected

Posted on Sat Jul 19th, 2025 @ 2:57pm by Lieutenant Fang Lee & Lieutenant Lanna Alexander

1,366 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: Lanna & Jarin’s Quarters | USS Arcadia

ON:

Lanna was enjoying some time off, getting to spend it with Jayce as she sat on the floor playing with him. Karin was as always keeping busy in medical, though he would be home soon enough. She stood up to go get herself a drink when the door chime rang.

Fang stood outside the door. He'd just finished his meeting with the CO and the new XO. It was a lot to take in. When the door opened he looked up. "Counselor can I have a moment of your time?"

Lanna nodded as she gazed at her friend. “Of course you can Fang, please come in.” Walking over to Jayce she picked him up placing him down inside his playpen with his toys and blanket, before turning back to Fang.

Fang smiled. "He's growing fast. I swear he was so tiny just days ago."

“I’ll admit it does seem like only yesterday that I had Jayce” Lanna grinned. “These past two years have just flown by.” She took a seat giving Fang her full attention. “So, what brings you to see me?”

He sighed. "As you know I did the XO test yesterday. This morning I received the results. In addition to failing and...being denied the XO post I have been ordered into mandatory counseling." He sighed. "I wanted to see how this all worked."

Lanna gave Fang a surprised look. “I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting that. What happened during your test? Why have you been ordered into counselling?”

He sighed. "The test, I failed on a few things, my latest away mission was also used as an example. Things with Zai...they found out what happened at the Academy with me and Sab that was used as a testament to my mental capacity and my inability to be XO....It's a mess. Zai finally found out all of what happened with Sab and me and he's...not okay."

Lanna nodded. “I see. So your past has returned to haunt you, maybe in some ways that’s a good thing. You need to face your past, to move on with your future. This failure isn’t the be all and end all, you could try again in the future. Right now we need to work on getting you past this.”

Yes, his past had come to haunt him but he'd brought it up. He'd needed to start over, be a better man. He sighed. "I hate to say it but I agree and the new XO...I agree with the choice too."

“You already know who the new XO is?” Lanna looked at Fang curiously. “I haven’t heard yet.”

"Sabastian. Brass picked him since he was already on the ship and was second XO of a station. It was a great choice."

“Really!?” Lanna grinned. “That’s wonderful news! Zai will be so happy that he won’t have to say goodbye.”

Fang smiled. "Yeah. He was happy. I'm still the Chief Engineer but at least the ship will have a good XO."

“I know it’s disappointing for you Fang” Lanna offered an understanding gaze. “We will work through the issues that Starfleet wants settled, and in doing so maybe we’ll get your relationship with Zai back to being a stable friendship.”

He shrugged. "I do love him you know. But not the way that he needs the way that Sabastian does. But I can admit our relationship has always been Toxic."

“Maybe, maybe not” Lanna paused. “Let’s start with you telling me anything you’ve missed about events between you, Sabastian, and Zai.”

He sighed. "You'll hate me when you hear...I hate me but.."

“I’m not here to judge Fang, I’m here to help” she relaxed back in her seat. “Tell me.”

And so he did. About how he'd left Zai alone after graduation and only come back when he'd heard Sabastian was in the picture. How he'd tried to seduce Sab and failed. How he'd doctored voice records to make Sabastian think that Zai was mad and to make Zai think Sabastian had betrayed him. How he'd rigged Sab's shuttle to not fly but done it badly and he'd crashed and almost died. How he hasn't told Zai and had taken Zai away made him think that Sab abandoned him.

He told the counselor of how he'd had relationships, how he'd known they'd hurt Zai and then when they ended he'd come back to Zai, give him hope, then take it away again. He talked until his voice was horse.

Lanna had to admit she was shocked and surprised by Fang’s actions, but at least he was being honest with her. Now he was ready to face his actions, and the consequences of those actions. “Wow. I see what you mean by a toxic relationship.” She paused. “The only way I can see of moving on from here is to completely start anew. To face what’s gone, to clear the air with Zai and Sabastian, and to see where it goes from there.”

"So long I used Zai as a substitute for Xingtian only to find out he was the person I pined for. There is no clearing the air. Sabastian hates me, Zai too, he'll never forgive me nor will I forgive myself. I turned into the one person I never wanted to be, my father."

“We all have the capacity for change Fang, the only person stopping that is you.” Lanna offered. “Zai and Sab maybe angry with you now, but that could change in time.”

He smiled a little. "You know Zai, you know how fiercely he loves Sabastian. With me it was dependence, a yearning to hold onto the past maybe but never love. You know how Sab loves Zai, do you think they would ever forgive?"

“I think so, in time” Lanna nodded hoping she was right, and she wasn’t just giving Fang false hope. “It means you’d have to give them a wide berth for now. I know that’s easier said than done aboard a starship.”

He sighed. "Zai is assistant Chief Engineer...that's going to be hard." He sighed. "It's not important. The main thing is I will never forgive myself but I don't want to be that man. I know what I did was...beyond forgivable. Starfleet was right, I'm lucky I wasn't kicked out. I want to be better I don't know how to start."

Lanna smiled. “You’re already starting Fang, you’re talking to me about it. I suggest you keep your relationship with Zai purely professional, one engineer to another. Once you have your working relationship sorted, then you can eventually move on to your personal relationship.”

He gave a nod. "There is much to overcome there." He sighed. "Oddly I'm okay with not being XO. Is it wrong that I am happy that Sabastian was picked?"

“Not at all” Lanna smiled warmly. “I think he’d appreciate knowing that you’re happy for him. Plus it’s a weight off your shoulders as well.”

"I was floundering and to be honest...I had ulterior motives for wanting to be XO."

“Oh?” She looked at Fang curiously. “What ulterior motives were those?”

He sighed. "I wanted to start a new life and as a way to be on the bridge more. There is something developing between me and Kelly. He...asked me to move in with him."

“Really!?” Lanna grinned. “Why haven’t I noticed that before? Not that it matters, congratulations Fang!”

"It's still early. Honestly, with the toxic stuff in the past with Zai...I don't want to ruin this. I refused moving in with him until I can be a better version of myself."

Lanna nodded. “I can understand that, it’s best to take your time.” She smiled warmly. “If you ever need anything, you know where I’ll be.”

"Thanks Counselor. I think I will be needing a lot of support to get my life back on track."

“Well as I always say my door is always open” Lanna grinned. “Oh and please call me Lanna, saves the titles.”

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