He Was My Idiot

Posted on Mon Oct 28th, 2024 @ 2:27pm by Lieutenant JG Zai & Lieutenant Adrianna Baciami

1,774 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: Via Sub Space - Video Call

ON:

Vance was bored. He'd done his work, he was on night shift again thanks to a tiny slip up and he missed a woman he had no business missing because she had moved on with her life. He'd been having trouble sleeping, dreams of the past that he wasn't sure his mind made up or if they were real.

He decided to put a call through to Adri, they were still at Base, he'd checked so they were not too far out for a video call.

He waited to get connected to her.

Adrianna had just got back from the gym. Her skin glistened with a light sweat and her wind curls threatened to break free of her messy bun. She answered the call without even checking who it was as she downed some water. "Mamma, scusa, sono appena tornato dalla palestra. Come sta papà dopo la caduta?" Adrianna's words abruptly stopped and she looked apologetic, "sorry, cucciolo, my mother has a habit of calling whenever I get home. I'm convinced she has a sixth sense. How are you?"

He smiled. "Bored so here I am calling you to help. Looks like you had a good work out."

A smile grew on her lips and she chuckled, "happy to help with the boredom. I'm done for the day. It's been a long one-- I needed the work out to clear my head. May I just say, and do not take this offensively, but the males of most species seem to be morons."

"Oh boy. What happened? Who do I got to phaser?"

"Zai, Fang and this other guy, Sabastian," she shook her head with an amused chuckle, "it's fine though. I've hit them all, be it verbally or physically. I broke someone's nose... I won't lie, it felt good."

"Oh boy who got the nose break?"

"Sabastian's," she replied, "he was an cazzone to me. He almost hit me too, but in both his and my defense -- both him almost hitting me, and me breaking his nose-- it was an accident. Though, I won't lie: it did feel good to hurt him after his words to me."

"Eee you're going to hate me but .... I'm rooting for Sabastian."

"I may be coming round to the idea," she admitted, "but I am curious about your reasoning." Adrianna reached just out of view of the camera and grabbed a towel, patting off her sweat.

He sighed. "It was in the journals I read yesterday. Apparently I was angry when I wrote them. Zai had been drunk a week straight because of Lee Fang. So they were on ships together and several times Fang decided to pick up...a recreational partner if you know what I mean." He sighed. "Zai apparently told me, from what I wrote, that during those times he would distance himself from Zai emotionally and physically and then when he was tired of his latest ... er... bedfellow he'd crawl back to Zai and be extra affectionate and it shredded Zai. It left him confused. Sabastian apparently has been honest with Zai and I did some checking when I still had my marbles and wrote of the fact that Sabastian had no bedfellows since the Academy since meeting Zai." He shrugged. "So there's that."

Adrianna nodded, "honestly, I'm torn. I don't wish to be involved in their--" she drew a triangle in the air, forgetting the word, "tri-- tree-- well, I don't want to be in the middle. Let's leave it at that. Whilst I would like to be there for both Fang and Zai that, separately-- each as friends-- it is taxing on my mind. Honestly, I need space to sort my own problems out. I don't need theirs too. I know how selfish that sounds, but you get what I'm saying, right?"

"I do. Not selfish at all. Frankly they could use a counselor...er... separately and together." He grinned. "Now then... I... um... there was something I wanted to ask you."

Adrianna breathed a sigh of relief at him understanding. She wasn't a bad person, well-- not fully, but she felt like she was allowed to be selfish some times, "sure, what is it?"

"How was your ... um... date with the Douche."

She blinked and remained silent for a moment, having not been prepared for him asking. "Jase isn't a bad guy," she finally broke the silence, "I mean, the date happened." She avoided being direct in whether it had gone well or not. In truth, the date had been terrible. Her mind had been racing having found out that Vance knew she was Starfleet before her cover was blown and yet still loved her and saved her. It had caused the date to end rather abruptly as Jason could see she was holding back. It hadn't ended on a bad note though, it had been more an acknowledgement of Ade needing more time. Before he could press, she asked, "why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." He scratched the back of his head. "You know the thing about Jason right. People named Jason....their all bad. Vance is better. People named Vance are strong and kind and perfect."

Adrianna couldn't help but chuckle. Coming to her senses she took a breath and smiled, "speak your mind. I will not be offended and it will stay between us. We were friends first and foremost."

"As long as he makes you happy that's the important part." He closed his eyes a moment rubbing the forehead. "Hold on." Reaching for a pill bottle he popped two pills and washed them down with orange juice. "Sorry. You were saying about Jason. Things are well? You..." He hesitated. "Love him?"

She watched him. At his question, her usual unreadable demeanor crumbled. It was clear that she was hesitant and upset. She had been falling for Jason, but when Vance had shown up, the feelings had been pushed aside as old ones reignited in favour of Vance. "Amore mio, talk to me. Tell me what is going through your mind."

He sighed. "I don't know. I just...I've been having dreams. Things I swear are fake and then I'll read about it in a journal a day later or I'll search words and find the entry. Some are just dreams but others seems are memories and when you talk about Jason All I can think of accidently transporting him into space. Or feeding him to the Andorian Trega Beast." He shook his head. "Illogical but true."

Adrianna was silent. If it weren't for her blinking and breathing, someone may have thought the call had frozen. "The day that I lost you," she sighed, "it was the worst day of my life. It took me a long time to even consider putting myself out there. Then, just as I was falling for the guy, he says 'we should retire before we're forty, to some colony world' and my first thought was: Vance has reincarnated." She took a breath, "a few days later, I found out you were still alive and the guilt I felt-- Amore mio-- I thought I was going to die. When I saw you-- realizing you weren't you-- it was like you'd died all over again. I was grieving all over again."

Ade held up a finger and stepped outside of camera view and soon returned with a bottle of grappa. She took a swig directly from the bottle. "Do you have any idea how many times I have tried to get over you? How many times I have told myself that you are not my Vance? How many times I have imagined still being yours? When you kissed me, when you messaged me, when you called me-- its like I'm holding out for you to tell me that you remember everything and you want to continue where we left off. But I don't know how I would know that it's not just a journal entry or if you actually remember me. Gawd, Vance! Merde! Madonna! I never stopped loving you and, honestly, I don't think I ever will."

He sighed. "And it would be unfair of me to ask you to stay. The truth is I'm not the same, even if I get my memories back...I'm not who I was. I've changed. The main thing for me is you happy. As far as my feelings ... well hard to airlock or feed someone to an Andorian Trega Beast when you're so far away. I can figure it out."

Adrianna nodded her understanding. She hesitated for a moment before looking directly into the screen, "there is one memory. You never wrote it in a journal. I was surprised. You were meticulous in writing, especially when it came to our development. It was the final full mission we did together before the Klingon stuff where I lost you. The rest of the crew were sleeping, but you couldn't sleep, so I joined you on the flight deck, watching the stars as we were in warp. A crew member had got amnesia for a few hours and we were discussing what would happen if either one of us lost our memories. You made me three promises that evening. If you ever remember all three, and if you ever follow through with all three-- Amore mio-- deep down, you are the same Vance-- you just changed course. Everything happens for a reason. You just need to figure out what that reason is. When you do, I'll be waiting-- even if it's just as a friend."

He gave a nod. "Well I should go." He sighed. "My headache is worse and the doc wanted to see me when that happens. And I don't want to risk Zai's wrath...something tells me he's a force to be reckoned with."

"Depends who he is up against," Adrianna smiled with a shrug, a knowing look in her eyes, "listen-- I only ever said it to you once. But for the sake of completeness, I want you to know: I love you, Vance Adams."

He smiled. "Vance Adams loved you too and I ... I'm starting to see why."

"Vance Adams was an idiota," she smiled fondly, "but he was my idiota. I'll speak to you soon, Amore mio. Don't be a stranger."

He gave a nod and a wave.

Adrianna let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. For now, Vance knew her position and her feelings. She'd been honest. But it still hurt. She looked at the bottle of grappa in her hand, recorking it with a sigh. She couldn't drink herself out of these feelings.

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