Truths and Hopes

Posted on Thu Oct 10th, 2024 @ 9:43pm by Lieutenant Fang Lee

876 words; about a 4 minute read

The Scene:

The night is late and Engineering has been reduced to a skeleton crew and series of beeps and clicks. The humming of the engines grew stronger as Fang walked towards the small desk located by the engine maintenance section. It was his shift there and it would be just him and really quiet. He was looking forward to the quiet to get his mind sorted.

The lighting was strong so Fang set it for 30% lighting and sat down on the chair keeping his eye on the engine read outs.

He entered his code to start recording a personal log from the station he was working it. When the chirps signaled that all was ready Fang began with a sigh.

Personal Log Lieutenant Lee Fang.

It's been... a wild time as of late. Lots of moving parts both family wise and work wise. Then there is the whole issue with Zai and I am feeling more tired then I have felt in years. Truths are coming out that have been kept locked up for so many years and its seeming that nobody around me is what they appear to be.

I am feeling drained and just tired, I know that I said that but there are no words to measure the sheer amount of exhaustion I am feeling both in mind, body, and soul.


Fang paused his recording to adjust the intake levels as the ship sped up a little.


I am contemplating joining the Vulcan meditation group. Perhaps a trip to Vulcan when the ship has some time where I can go on vacation. I require peace and this is the wrong place for it. Although thinking upon things, I did apply for the first officer position and that will keep me busy. Maybe I can just find a time to relax here.

So I've been running around it. Let's start with the family issues, perhaps the easiest to start with. My mother's matchmaking attempts have gotten more desperate. She reached out to our Chief Coms officer, that didn't end so badly. The woman is now my adopted sister. Our families have become friends united in holy matchmaking. That is a positive.

My mother also reached out to Rogers, an engineer, the same one that has been trying to cause problems with me and Zai. I have transferred Rogers off the ship and have cut myself off from her as well as my father for the moment. I do love them it's just that they both have hurt me a bit as of late. My mother causing a rift with me and Zai via Rogers and my father keeping the fact that it was a Starfleet officer, or rather, a Klingon that was dressed as a Starfleet officer who tried to hurt Xingtian when I left Capella. Of course it didn't help that when I tried to leave the shuttle they knocked me out. I thought I had put it all in the past but this new revelations is is killing me. To think that Xingtian thought I betrayed him. I'm devastated.

To be honest I wouldn't have known about this little fact if Zai hadn't brought it up during our fight. He doesn't know it but the hit he scored on me was direct and a fatal. Since I've learned the truth I have been devastated. I just can't seem to function properly.

He sighed as he stood walking over to the intake valves and checking the levels. He noted what needed to be reviewed the next day and reset what he could before resuming his seat and resuming his log.

I am hopeful that things will settle, especially with Zai and myself. I can understand why he was upset by the letter. Not only was it sent to him via ship message system but it was changed so much beyond what I wrote that it was cold and jarring. I cannot believe that Rogers was so emboldened by my mother's encouragement in pursuing a relationship with me that she would no something like this.

My urge is to go and check on Zai but I must give him some time. And I must give myself some time to heal from all the truths I have found out. The only hope of all this was that my father said that Xingtian is alive and they are slowly edging closer to finding him. My big question is given what happened when I left will he want to see me or will he listen to the truth. It's been so many years that perhaps what was once a fondness has grown to desperate hate. He's watched his family fall, his people scattered. There is so much bad blood there and so many misunderstandings that I don't know if we can come out of it.

I do have some hope, I have to, but it's not much.

He wound down the log and filed it as per Starfleet regulations. It was his personal log so thankfully nobody would listen to it unless necessary. He sighed as he sat back waiting for his shift to end. Only a few more hours and he'd give himself over to the oblivion of sleep.

 

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