I want my wife back

Posted on Sat Jul 26th, 2025 @ 5:58pm by Lieutenant Adrianna Baciami

1,161 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Vinyl and Void

The door to their quarters slid shut behind Vance with a hiss, but Adrianna didn’t flinch. She sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on her knees, eyes blank as she stared at the floor, clearly she'd been mid taking her boots off. The light above her cast a sterile, too-white glow, making the shadows beneath her eyes look even deeper.

Vance stood there for a long moment, just watching her. He barely recognised her anymore. She wasn’t crying, wasn’t shouting, wasn’t breaking plates or snapping orders or biting back with that fire he loved– she was just a hollow version of herself and he didn't know how to help.

And he couldn’t bear it.

“This isn’t you,” he said, voice quiet but shaking at the edges.

Adrianna didn’t respond, didn't even flinch.

“You haven’t eaten. You've hardly slept. You barely speak at home. And, from what I have heard, you've been more of an asshole than usual at work. You’re not grieving– you’re disappearing.”

“I’m fine,” she muttered, eyes still fixed on the floor.

“No, you’re not,” he stepped forward, “You’re shutting down. And I get it, Adri, I do. But this isn’t healthy. It’s not you. You need h–”

“I said I’m fine,” she snapped, standing suddenly. Her voice was raw, brittle, like it was holding something back, “I’m still showing up. I’m still doing my job. That’s more than most people could manage after what I’ve—”

“What? You’ve what?” Vance cut in, louder now, “Lost your parents? Been shattered from the inside out and too proud to admit it? You’re not a damn Starfleet protocol, Adrianna– not anymore. You're allowed to be human. It won't bite you in the ass. You’re a person. You’re my wife. And I’m standing here watching you fall apart piece by piece!”

“I don’t have time to fall apart!” she shouted, stepping toward him, “If I let myself stop– just for a moment– I’ll drown in it, Vance. I know I will.”

“Then let me help! Talk to me!” his voice cracked as he reached out to her, but she pushed his hand away.

“No. No, you don’t get to fix this. You can’t fix this. Not this time, capitano,” her breath hitched, and her whole body trembled, her voice crescendoing into a shout, somewhere between desperation and anger, “You want me to grieve? You want me to scream? You want me to cry? You want me to admit that this has broken me? Fine! You want the truth?”

He didn’t answer– just stared, chest rising and falling too fast, heart lodged somewhere between his lungs. He didn't understand where she was going with all of this.

“It’s my fault,” she said, her voice like a blade, “It’s my fault they’re dead.”

Vance felt a little blindsided, having not expected those words. He looked confused, “What– what the hell are you talking about?”

“I chose you!” she shouted, all composure finally breaking, “I chose you, Vance. When everything was burning and collapsing around us, when I could’ve turned my back on all of it– I chose you.”

He stared at her, stunned but still very much confused as to why the two correlated in her mind, “And that’s not a mistake. You chose love.”

“No,” she said, quieter now, but with more pain, “I chose you, and when I did, he tried to warn me of what would happen if I went against fate– him, the god of fate. I begged him. I begged him to bring you back on so many occasions, and when you did come back, I begged him to give you your memories back, to give us another chance– to see if we could work when the truth was all laid out, or whether it was a mere fantasy that you could ever stay in love with someone that lied to you for so long. And he said– he warned me– there would have to be balance. That the universe always takes what it gives.”

Her face contorted as tears filled her eyes.

“And he took them, Vance. He took my parents,” her voice cracked like glass, “Because I was selfish enough to want you, regardless of whether you would want me back.”

Vance shook his head, stepping forward, desperate, “No. Adri, that’s not how it works. You don’t believe in that– gods, superstitions– you never have.”

“Maybe I didn’t before,” she whispered, “but I do now. I saw him. It was so real. Merde, he warned me and I ignored him.”

She wrapped her arms around herself like she was holding her insides in place, “Because it fits too perfectly. Too cruelly. I asked for you back. And the universe ripped out the only other two people that I would die for.”

He didn’t know what to say. In all the years he’d known her– through hardships, through love, through undercover lives and impossible odds– he’d never seen her like this. Never seen her truly broken and admitting something so impossible in her belief system. “I just want my wife back,” he said, voice cracking now too, “not the undercover op; not the intel chief. I want you, Adrianna. The woman who used to bite my head off for considering pineapple on pizza. The woman whose only fear was of the dark. The woman who rolled her eyes at superstition and laughed in the face of death. I want her.”

She looked at him then, really looked, and he saw something flicker behind the devastation. Guilt. Longing. Regret.

“I don’t know if she’s still in here right now, amore mio,” she whispered.

Vance stepped forward and took her face in his hands, gently, firmly, “Then I’ll find her. I swear I’ll find her. But you’ve got to stop blaming yourself, Adri. You didn’t kill them. Everyone dies– and they went in, truly, the most amazing way, having loved and lived in the most amazing way. I would kill for a life like that with you.”

Adrianna finally did something she hadn't done without faking it since finding out about her parents– she offered a small smile that even reached her eyes. “I know,” she said softly, her eyes flooding with tears, “I just don't know how to handle this. But I know that I need to keep this between us for my own sanity. I'm not ready to ask for help. But if I was– I know that I have you.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, knowing that she was safe with him.

“I love you, Ade. Just don't shut me out. I miss you,” he murmured into her hair as he held her close.

 

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