Working Through the Fear

Posted on Sat Jul 19th, 2025 @ 2:57pm by Lieutenant JG Zai Walker & Lieutenant Lanna Alexander

1,800 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Stars Around the Well
Location: USS Arcadia, Docked at Starbase 6
Timeline: Just before: Good, Bag, & Ugly News

ON:

Zai was sleeping in the bedroom and Sab sat on the sofa reading. He wondered when the call to come back to Starbase 2 would come. Probably was already issued. Kerrigan wanted to see him and Zai and that meant that Sab's temp transfer was done and he'd be leaving. They had a few things left to complete here and then it would be a while before Sab and Zai saw one another. It was a painful thing to think about.

He lightly tapped the keypad on the table. "Walker to Counselor Alexander."

Lanna was sipping on a juice when Sab’s voice came across the coms, reaching her hand up she tapped her badge. “Lanna here.”

"Counselor can you come to Zai's quarters. I could use your help. I think something is wrong with Zai."

Lanna was up out of her seat in a shot. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”


~ Not long after ~

Arriving outside Zai and Sab’s quarters, Lanna pressed the chime. No matter what was wrong she was going to do all she could to help.

Sabastian opened the door smiling. "Come on in. Thank you for coming." He motioned for her to sit. "Please have a seat, can I get you something to drink?"

Lanna nodded politely. “Thank you, a chilled lemonade would be lovely, please.” Taking a seat she waited for Sabastian to return to find out just what was going on.

Sabastian got her the lemonade and a mint tea for himself. "Zai...is finally asleep." Sabastian said as he sat down. He looked exhausted, he felt exhausted. "He has not slept well since we came out of the space ... hole."

“Is there any particular reason why?” Lanna looked at Sab curiously as she sipped her lemonade.

"Since I was injured on the away mission. He...had to be on the bridge and when we got back he came down right away I was still out of it. The doc did a good job. Not a scar, but...he lost it. He couldn't stop crying. He's had nightmares...and I got a call from Starbase 2. They need their engineer and I have to see the Kerrigan tomorrow so likely I've done here. I don't know how he'll handle all this... Our wedding, by his customs is tomorrow afternoon but what if I have to leave right away..."

Lanna nodded. “Okay first things first, let’s not leap to conclusions as to the outcome of your meeting. That bridge can be crossed when ... or if, it happens. As for Zai I’ll need to talk to him, see if I can help settle his fears. Tomorrow is an important day for both of you, we need to make sure it’s the happiest day of your lives!”

He sighed. "That's the other thing. The ceremony of his people. This is complex as both people are empaths...I'm part Vulcan and part Betazoid. His tribe from Capella...once our minds are linked it could go well or we could both die. He's not scared about himself. It's all adding to it...." Before he could go on a cry came from the bedroom. Sabastian's name called out in fear and desperation.

Sabastian sighed. "Another nightmare. I'll go. Let me bring him out we need to talk about all this."

Lanna nodded, it was obvious Zai was well and truly struggling with his fears. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sabastian headed into the bedroom. It was a few moments but both he and Zai came out. Zai looked a mess, purple under his eyes from lack of sleep, dried tears on his cheeks that looked sunken and pale. Sabastian got him a cup of coffee and sat down beside him.

Zai reached over and clutched his arm as if he was afraid Sabastian would disappear."

“Hello Zai” Lanna offered him a warm, and as always, friendly smile. “I think we should talk, don’t you?”

Zai laid his head on Sabastian's shoulder. "I'm fine...I'm okay."

Sab leaned over and kissed Zai's forehead. "No, Darling, you are not. Let the counselor help."

“It’s obvious that you’re anything but okay Zai.” Lanna offered. “Your emotions are all over the place, that much I can see. You don’t look like you’ve had a good sleep in ages, and you’re getting married tomorrow. I want to help make sure you enjoy the biggest day of your life!”

Zai looked at her. "He could have died on the mission and that idiot Fang did nothing! Tomorrow when our minds link it could hurt him he could..." Zai's voice broke.

Sabastian sighed. He could sense the turmoil inside Zai and he didn't know how to even unpack it all. He looked at the counselor helpless.

“Sabastian has accepted what might, or might not, happen Zai.” She paused. “Part of life as a Starfleet Officer is accepting risks, it’s the same for Jarin & I. Every time he goes off on a medical emergency, or I have to go on an away mission, it always worries me. Starfleet protocols say you should have professional detachment, but that’s hard to do sometimes especially when the stakes are high. The same goes for when I leave Jayce. You’re going to have to face your fears Zai.”

Zai shook his head. "I can't take anymore heartbreak.”

Sabastian turned his head away his eyes glassy with tears. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. He could feel the bone tiredness in Zai the fear. He knew Lanna was affected too. Empathic senses were, not always and advantage. "She's right Zai. Fang didn't do anything. This was just an accident. As for tomorrow I'd rather be alive one day as your husband and linked to your mind then live a life time without you."

Zai sobbed openly.

"Counselor should I leave you and Zai to talk?" He really wanted what was best and frankly he was feeling a bit overwhelmed as well.

Lanna nodded. “It’s not easy blocking high levels of emotion, go and get yourself some rest I’ll look after Zai.” She offered a comforting smile.

Zai clung to him. "Don't leave me." His voice was low, broken.

Sab knelt in front of him. "Zai look at me. I'm not leaving. I'm going to Engineering I will be back. You need some space now, talk to the counselor. Never doubt I love you and I will be back. I'm not leaving you."

"What if you have to go home?"

"Then I'll resign or you'll come with me. We'll figure it out, together."

Zai let him go and Sab gave the counselor a smile of encouragement. He hurried out needing a moment to let his own fear and insecurity out.

“Okay Zai, it’s just you and me now” Lanna gave Zai a gentle smile. “You’re scaring the man you love, and he’s feeling hopeless that he can’t help you. I know you’re afraid to lose Sab, but that fear will destroy everything you have if you let it.”

"He's been hurt so much because of me. Do I even have the right to stand by his side? I missed all those years and all those years he's never given his heart to anyone but me."

“Would you rather break Sab’s heart? He’s struggling seeing you like this Zai, he wants to be a part of you and to make you whole again. Don’t let fear push the two of you apart, you need each other and you know it.”

"I can't let him risk his life for me. My life is...not as important but his is everything."

Lanna sighed taking hold of Zia’s hands. “Wake up Zai, He’s not risking his life for you he’s doing it for himself. He needs you! Life without you would be empty and worthless. What if you push him away, and as a result he takes his own life? How would you feel then? He’d be forever lost with no way of ever having another chance!”

Zai began to cry again. "I...no. He ... he wouldn't. I'm not worth it..."

“I’m not saying he would Zai, but listen to yourself!” She held gently onto his hands. “You are worth it! You have to believe that. You’re my friend and I want to see you happy, see you both happy. Talk to Sab about how you truly feel, let him reassure you, and be there for you.”

He gave a nod. "I...I'll try." He shrugged. "I just feel...when I saw him hurt in sickbay. It...felt like my soul was ripped from my body. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make sure he didn't so much as get a papercut."

“You can’t stop that, whatever happens, happens.” Lanna smiled. “Just live your life a day at a time. The future will take care of itself.”

Zai gave a nod. He smiled a little. "I'm probably being dramatic aren't I?"

“A little” Lanna grinned. “But it’s better than bottling it all up. I want to see the two of you happily married, speaking of which is there anything I can do to help with your ceremony?”

He sighed. "Not really. We'll have a ceremony and then the mind link is done in private. Because of Sab being half Vulcan, half Betazoid, and me being Capellan we'll need healers from all the planets. My people have someone here. Vulcan and Betazed too so we'll have that. Then we wait till morning." He shrugged. "If all goes we'll the changes will be instant if not...well ... we'll know and then we have a year to prepare for the inevitable. With all this I wonder how he can love me so much."

Lanna smiled. “The heart knows what the heart knows, and so does the soul. Maybe you were always meant to be, it’s just taken until now to get this far.”

He sighed. Just before he could speak the doors opened and Sabastian came in. He stood by the door looking anxious.

Zai smiled at him. "It's alright." He held out his hand and Sabastian walked over taking it and placing a gentle kiss across Zai's knuckles.

Sabastian turned to the counselor. "Everything okay?"

“More or less” Lanna nodded. “Zai has his fears under control for now, I believe the two of you have a wedding to prepare for.”

Sabastian smiled. "Thanks for your help counselor."

“That’s what I’m here for Sabastian, anytime you need me just call” Lanna stood ready to leave. “I’ll let you two have some time alone.

OFF:

 

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